Eerie

I think that's how you spell the word. Tonight feels eerie, maybe its because my body has finally recovered from Las Vegas. Yes, we went there, yes, it was awesome, no I didn't win money, yes we got crazy drunk for 5 days in a row. Anyway I used to get moods like this all the time where the only thing I knew is that I didn't know anything at all. I would literally talk to myself just muttering "I dunno" over and over. This was certainly before life changing events happened. See I do know some things now. I know that we are sad without each other but miserable with each other. Hard to know what is worse some days. I NEVER thought I would say I learned something from Jersey Shore but after watching the misery of Ronnie and Sammi, yeah I get it. I get that we can't be together and it needs to stay that way, or we will end up like those idiots.

Whatever it is

If you believe in something, just BELIEVE in it. Hypocrisy is so so prevalent in this world and it is just a detriment to society and everyday life. I will throw this out there, I am an atheist. I don't feel it makes me a bad person, I have morals and treat people decently, I just know I won't go to "hell" if I don't. That being said I have no problem with someone that has different values and opinions, but fucking back it up! My friend wouldn't eat meat today. Why? Because it is Friday and he is Catholic so while he suffered from watching me eat my bacon cheeseburger I was thinking "why are you doing this?" My friend is clearly not religious in any sense of the word, sins like a mother fucker yet now for a month and change he is a pious man of God? Give me a break!

Stupid Weather

I wanted to go for a drive tonight. I say this to myself a lot, usually after a day where I sit in my dirty apartment play online poker for 12 hours and wind up with nothing to show for it. Poker is one of the funnest games in the world, it challenges you, it allows you to connect with people from around the world. I literally said things to myself today like "Wow, a Spaniard didn't pay me off?" And "Why in the world did you try to bluff a German?" (The Germans, they are not big on folding, it implies surrender and they don't like that. If poker was big in Japan I would imagine the same thing would apply.) Anyway, I wanted to go for a drive and just listen to the radio but a friend of mine warned me that is very slippery out so I guess I won't be doing that. If I could invent anything it would be a button that one could push just so they could fall asleep. See in general I think I am a happy person that enjoys being around people and making them laugh and laughing with them. It is these times in the late evening where I cannot sleep due to my own poor habits that my bad emotions kick in. Anger, resentment etc. And at the end of the day, I really shouldn't feel that way because none of it matters. One thing I do when I'm feeling down is look at the Twitters and Facebooks of people that I know are much worse off then me. I know it is not healthy but it helps! I can realize that I have friends, I'm pretty healthy (I even lost 6 pounds this week) and that I can go to the mall and spend $400 on myself at Express. Yet I don't know I still get this emptiness in me from time to time. It's possible that living alone for the past year while in some ways was great, hurt me a little bit. It allowed myself to be isolated and simply not have to turn it on when I didn't want to. In a matter of weeks I am moving in with my best friend and very much looking forward to it. Some people tell you it is a terrible idea to live with your best friend, I would bet those people are women. Tony and I are going to have an awesome time and I really think it will help lift my spirits.

OH Life its bigger....

post missing.

But Dane? How has poker been going?

I totally promise to keep doing results at the end of the month, sorry I am so lazy that I didn't even do that. Here is a brief recap of the months I missed.

June: Bad month, down over $3k. No final tables, had several finshes 10th-18th (Which means the table right before the final table.) Very disappointing but poker players have to realize it is part of the game as well at looking how to improve that aspect.

July: Up about $2k. A little bit frustrating because I did make 4 Final tables that month. Best cash was a 4th place in a $20 rebuy event for $2651. 3 other 4 figure scores as well, but not a win!

August: Pretty bad so far, I have a few sessions left this month to turn it around, but it's not healthy
to press on the 30th just because of a bad month. Poker is a very LONG term game, some players won't even look at the monthly results because it really does not mean anything.

Overall strategies/summary: I am playing a lot more satellites on Full Tilt and I am really enjoying being able to play some of the major events with literally the best players in the world. It's a total trip. Now to win one of those for 6 figures...well that would be pretty sweet.

Life: I LOVE my new apartment in northeast Minneapolis. What I don't love is the weight I have been gaining due to 20 years of a horrible diet. So I am going to the gym minimum 2 days a week with a trainer and actually eating well, it's really weird. P.S. If you haven't seen me in a while, I'm not a massive blob or 300 lbs or anything, just getting some love handles that I'm not a real fan of.

When Happy in life, you treat others better.

That sounds like a really obvious statement and it is. The challenge I am presenting is: Can you still treat others as well as they deserve when you are unhappy? See take my father for example, now in no way am I insinuating that my dad was a horrible father by any means, but especially during maybe my ages of 7-15, he was extremely short tempered, often crabby and at times just seemed annoyed by everyone. I just figured he didn't like us, after all, having twin boys must be hard, especially when one of them decides he is going to paint his nails and play with dolls and the dream of having your boys playing catch together in the yard fades away. He may not have liked that so much (by the way, my dad and my very gay brother are extremely close now, its weird. They are like serious drinking buddies and they talk way more than we do.) But then I think about it: My dad worked at a huge law firm in downtown Minneapolis, but he wasn't a lawyer. He was a tax accountant working in a shrinking division by the day. Imagine being the only non lawyer around a bunch of asshole lawyers all day long, probably assuming he was one until the conversation of where he went to law school came up. In fact, my dad doesn't even have a bachelor's degree, he has a 2 year paralegal degree from North Hennepin Community College. So I'm sure he felt out of place and was not treated well at this job. Fast Forward to 2002 and he was finally able to just Fuck you to those people and ended up starting his own business, hanging out with friends again and really enjoying his life. All of a sudden, he was like a different person, yes, that family temper is there every now and again but he is so much calmer, so much funnier. I guess my point is, it's a lot easier to treat others well when you're life is in order, but a lot of our lives are not. A lot of us struggle everyday, so challenge yourselves to still treat the ones you care about with respect dignity and love, even when your day sucks.

The Even Further Adventures of SpaceDane, Chapter the Third

SpaceDane had seen a lot of shit in his life, but this took the SpaceCake.

"Hey! That's my SpaceCake, bitch! That was from DQ! It was frozen, and in ICE CREAM form!" said SpaceDane. "It was bestowed upon me for MY special day. DON'T YOU DARE try to take my frozen SpaceCake. You can take many things from a SpaceDane. You can take his SpaceDust. You can take his SpaceRust. But to take a SpaceDane's SpaceCake is a ne'er you must!"

He knew that he had stolen from Dr. Seuss, but SpaceDane could not help himself. As a drop of SpaceSweat dripped from his brow, SpaceDane glared unblinking into the horizon. "A lesser man would have blinked," thought SpaceDane. SpaceDane refused to bow before the whims of his forehead's condensation. His will would not be broken.

Hopping in the SpaceCockpit of his SpaceFordTaurus, SpaceDane had only one choice. He must pursue his SpaceCake TO THE ENDS OF THE SPACEUNIVERSE.

Sweat, like rivers of, well, sweat, fell into SpaceDane's eyes as he put the SpaceTransmission into overdrive. SpaceDane squinted, fighting once again his urge to blink. Was his vision affected? Of FUCKING COURSE NOT. SpaceDane was steadfast in both his navigational SpaceFordTaurusing, and in the recovery of his SpaceCake.

[At this point, the reader should picture a wacky Space80's montage of SpaceDane chasing after his SpaceCake. All in a Christopher Walken-esque voice. There is a three-titted woman involved, and although she is not the SpaceCake-stealing bitch in question, and totally wants to BONE SpaceDane, he won't have it. ("One... Two...........Three tits? NICE TRY, BUDDY. I'M BACK, BITCH.") At this point, SpaceDane roared his SpaceFordTaurus the fuck outta there, flipping a peace sign in her general direction. It should be noted that the three-tittied woman was probably better off this way, given SpaceDane's wildly overstated love of both poker and unsuccessful basketball teams... not to mention, all of this shit totally happened in Total Recall, so there's that, look neither here nor there... We rejoin the plot as it progresses, sparing the reader from SpaceDane's continual poker trivia reminiscences. They were numerous and pretty bad. ]

As a river of vanilla ice cream cascaded down his face, SpaceDane looked directly at the camera.

"All I wanted was my SpaceCake. Today was my Special Day."